![]() ![]() Simon Birch: Who ever said the church needs a continental breakfast? Rev. Russell: They're merely refreshments so people can socialize and, uh, and discuss the upcoming activities. Simon Birch: I said, "What does coffee and doughnuts have to do with God?" Rev. Grandmother Wenteworth: And his voice, like- Hilde: A mouse. Grandmother Wenteworth: That child is positively unnatural. Simon Birch: Your problem is that you have no faith. Joe Wenteworth: He wants to know, uh maybe if he paid you, could he touch your br. Marjorie: What is it, Simon? Simon Birch: Nothing. ![]() Simon Birch: Stop it! Stop it! Joe Wenteworth: Uh, Simon has a question for you. Joe Wenteworth: Why don't you ask her? Oh, uh, Marjorie. Simon Birch: Maybe she'll let us touch 'em some time if we paid her. Simon Birch: Marjorie's getting breasts. Simon Birch: My bones just turned into BBs! Simon Birch: It's freezing! Joe Wenteworth: My bones just turned into marbles. Joe Wenteworth: Well, what if I said the same thing about your mother? Simon Birch: I'd have you committed. Simon Birch: She's so sexy that sometimes I forget she's someone's mother. Simon Birch: And she smells the best too. Simon Birch: Your mother has the best breasts of all the mothers. Joe Wenteworth: So? Simon Birch: Do they want us to play baseball or urinate? Anyway, I was just thinking. Simon Birch: And this year we're in the Peewees. Joe Wenteworth: Yeah? Simon Birch: Last year we played in the Squirt League, right? Joe Wenteworth: Uh-huh. Old Man #1: Goddamn kids got no respect these days. What'd you use, a matchbox? Simon Birch: Have a nice day. Old Man #1: Here they come - the Wenteworth bastard and his granite mouse. I swear to God I'm gonna strangle that little granite mouse if it's the last thing I do.ĭialogue Joe Wenteworth: Come on.
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